genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
