Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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