i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
