Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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