Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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