Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize