The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
