Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
