That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
