Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
