You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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