Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
