Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
