so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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