My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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