Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
