I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
