please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
