youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
