I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
