she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
