I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize