i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
