we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
