Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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