Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
its not stalking. its research.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
