She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
