So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
