The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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