Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
