I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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