Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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