i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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