he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
