if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have tasted many bathrooms
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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