don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
