And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
