Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
