my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Enjoy the penises
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
