amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So vagazzling was a success
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
