I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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