How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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