Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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