Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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