I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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