I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Someone signed my nipple.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
