I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
