i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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