You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
