I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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