roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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