i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
