i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
