Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
