Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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