even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
