i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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