Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
