Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
