my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
