Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
