It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
