bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you made out with another girl for some wings
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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