yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
