I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
