You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
