I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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