You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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