You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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