Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
