I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
