and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
