True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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