i just had sex bonerless
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
