just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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