What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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