so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
