My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The feeling are messing with the penis
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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