I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize