I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
