sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
